Day Six saw everybody put their hearts on the line for love.
L-O-V-E love. It turns the tongue-tied into poets, makes fools of the wise and persuades the timid to throw caution aside. Wonderful, bewildering and unpredictable, it can land us in unexpected places. A ‘deep crush on Apollo from Gladiators… Sainsburys on a Saturday …stuck watching Downton … weak at the knees over Daniel(s), Osmond and O’Donnell.’
A little daunted, but curious to see where love might lead, the group journeyed inwards to answer Bee’s question: ‘What does love mean to you?’
For one couple, fortunate enough to have found true love, ‘love means a great deal. We’re there for each other, in good times and in bad times and we enjoy spending time together.’
Braving their blushes, others confessed that they too ‘hope to find true love.’ They want ‘a soulmate … to be smothered in kisses … serenaded and ‘told a hundred times, I love you.’ One individual admitted he’d ‘be out every night if I could’ in search of someone to share things with and in time, ‘maybe even move in with.’ Another individual, approaching a milestone birthday, said she’d ‘really hoped to be married by now.’
For all of us, finding love can be difficult. Love is risky. Hearts get broken. Frogs get kissed. And along the way, even the most sensible among us can do spectacularly stupid things. Still, most of us don’t usually conclude we should protect ourselves from love. We take our chances, make mistakes and pick ourselves up when things go wrong. Do we afford people with learning disabilities the same freedom?
Research from 2005, cited by Mencap, found that just 3% of people with a learning disability in England lived as part of a couple, compared with around 70% of the general adult population. Acknowledging the challenges, such a stark difference begs the question: what part do support systems and attitudes to risk play?
Of course, not all love is romantic. Several members of the group were moved to tears as they spoke about friends and family members who fill their lives with love. Those people who ‘know us inside out and love us anyway!’ and who show their love through ‘all the little things’ like ‘saving me a seat every week at bingo … inviting me for tea … checking I got home safe … popping the kettle on when I’ve had a bad day.’
These small, everyday gestures have a huge impact on wellbeing and happiness. As one member put it, ‘a little love goes a long way.’
Speaking of companionship, another member added, ‘friends become even more important as you get older, because parents and brothers and sisters start to pass away. That can leave a big hole.’ For everybody in the group, maintaining existing connections, as well as ‘making new friends’ is an important part of ageing well. These relationships help to keep life meaningful and enjoyable.
But meaning and enjoyment also come from ‘doing things I love to do’: ‘volunteer work, poetry, making music, dog walking, karaoke, crafting, football, drama and getting out and about.’ How far individuals want to take these passions varies. Some ‘don’t really think about it’ beyond ‘enjoying myself’ or ‘making sure that there’s enough staff on, so I don’t miss out on doing things.’ Others have ambitions to pursue ‘football coaching qualifications,’ ‘travel abroad’ or ‘study music production.’
Reflecting on what had drawn them individually to this project, members spoke of their love of ‘drama’, a desire ‘to push myself to try something new,’ and a drive ‘to help others to get the help they need.’ Along the way, their individual motivations have grown into a shared sense of ‘purpose.’
How easily they might have missed this opportunity whether through fear, fatigue or simply the disruption to routine. And yet here they were, deeply connected to the work, to one another and to the things they love. Not a blush in sight despite the goofiest of grins.
Day Six closed with a plea for everyone to ask themselves, ‘What do I want from love?’
What if, for the next leg of all our journeys, not despite but because of our age, the upheaval and the heart pumping risk, we let our true loves lead the way?
After all, it’s love that makes the ordinary, extraordinary.